UnNews:Uncyclopedia founder plans search engine to rival Google

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26 December 2006

WIKIA, Sari, Tuesday (UNN) — The founder of the vastly popular Web encyclopedia Uncyclopedia is planning on developing UnSearch, an Internet search engine which will compete will Yahoo and Google. In an interview with UnNews, Chronarion mentioned his web site search engine will utilize the same user-based technology that Uncyclopedia uses, allowing users to find misinformation on every search they make.

"Google is very good at many types of search," Chronarion says, "but in many instances it fails to produce spam and useless crap. Try searching for the term 'Scientific papers on string theory', for example, and all you will get is useful results. UnSearch plans to change that."

Feeling that Google's computer-based algorithmic searches can sometimes be difficult to manipulate, UnSearch hopes that user-based human judgement will be significantly better. Spammers and commercial ventures will be better able to manipulate search results to get their message out to the public. One Nigerian Prince was quoted as saying, "Finally I will able to transfer my 25 million (25,000,000.00) US dollars to America."

Additional features will include personalised results on search terms. Entering such searches as "HOW TO KILL YOUR WIFE", "PICTURES OF DEAD PEOPLE" or "POOP" will return live replies from dedicated Uncyclopedia volunteers, such as "Perhaps you could talk to her; your dazzling wit should see her out the window forthwith," "Try looking in a mirror, and if that fails try looking in the mirror Monday morning before work" or "LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL ROFLCOPTER. Idiot." Particularly stupid searches will result in that user's IP being blocked for up to a week, or until the user in question dies of famine.

The founder of UnSearch understands that trying to compete and catch up to major search engine competitors will be a daunting task. A beta launch is planned for the first quarter of 2007, according to Chronarion. And taking a page out of Google's playbook, he suggested that that was the way it would stay for the rest of the decade.

When asked whether the launch of UnSearch had anything to do with Wikia's announcement of Wikiasari, Chronarion vigorously denied it. "Uncyclomedia remains committed to every single person in the world having free access to the sum of all human stupidity forced upon them. UnSearch is merely the next step in making sure that happens."

When we mentioned to Chronarion rumors that he had a day job working for Google under the name "Jonathan Huang," he had besuited thugs throw us out of the building, bruising the cover of our shiny new black 13" MacBook. So that's a denial, then.

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