UnNews:Uncyclopedia acquired by Google
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Uncyclopedia acquired by Google
Straight talk, from straight faces
Monday, May 25, 2015, 06:04 (UTC)
9 December 2006
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SIGHTING HILL, CALORINGTON — Operation "Nonviolent Conquest" is proceeding as planned, as reported by UnNews correspondents who observed the joint press-conference of Google and Uncyclomedia Foundation. Furthermore, the real rationale behind Google's acquisition of YouTube, which occurred almost a month before, has finally been unveiled.
According to the documents signed by Google CEO Eric Schmidt and Uncyclomedia CEO Oscar Wilde, the Foundation ceases to exist as a separate entity, transferring its assets to the newly created Uncyclomedia Corporation, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Google.
Says Eric Schmidt: "By taking over Uncyclopedia, we would like to remind those sissies at Yahoo, exactly one year since they had acquired del.icio.us, that they will never win at the race to collect them all. And Digg, you're next! You hear it? You're next! It's been no less than four days more than a year now!"
The short-term effects of the deal have manifested themselves immediately, as the Uncyclopedia Main Page has been redesigned to better match the Google visual style. "Also, we'd like to provide Uncyclopedia users with cutting-edge, state of the art, paradigm-shifting, scalable, interoperable and seamlessly integrated Web 2.0 framework, allowing frictionless communication with the blogosphere," says Buzzworth Complyens, Uncyclomedia PR manager.
Google's main target of interest was, admittedly, UnNews, which will allow Google to maintain their own news service to compete with such renowned providers of misinformation as CNN and FOX News. Backed by Google's YouTube video technology, the recently revealed UnNews Video is predicted to make a revolution in Internet broadcasting. "This is why Uncyclomedia is going commercial," explains Wilde. "Now we can legally pay our reporters for making stuff up, something those other news providers have been doing for ages."
UnNews reporter Sikon "LucidFox" Powers, who happened to aid Google in the Uncyclopedia 2.0 design (he suggested the exact position, in pixels, of the "beta" blurb on the new logo), has reported that not everyone took the acquisition news with enthusiasm. For instance, the Uncyclopedia IRC has been reported to be swarming with CGI users, who were joining to ask a single question: "What's wrong with the main page?" He comments that not seeing a main page redesign in more than 4 months may have diverted Uncyclopedians from the fact that the site look and feel does, in fact, evolve.
It is expected that Uncyclopedia's total transition to Web 2.0 technologies will be completed by New Year's Eve, although estimations vary because the experts have no single opinion on what "Web 2.0" is supposed to stand for. All of them agree, however, that it includes lots of lowercase, borderless blue boxes, fancy fonts, nearly identical glossy logos that look like they all came from the same logo generator, and a WordPress clone programmed entirely in Codeine's mum's basement.