|This article is part of UnNews||Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard|
8 December 2011
London, England -- After exhausting a list of newspapers, reputable tabloids and a much longer list of non-reputable tabloids, Lord Justice Leveson today announced that his inquiry into the ethics of the media and the press will call for Uncyclopedia's weekly news periodical, the UnSignpost, to appear before it. The inquiry, which in recent weeks has heard from both J.K. Rowling and Hugh Grant, still clearly yearns for the touch of celebrity and has ordered that the UnSignpost appear this coming Monday. The inquiry has not been forthcoming about its reasons for calling the online periodical, however, sources within the inquiry have informed UnNews that the decision is directly related to Rupert Murdoch's allegations of misconduct and misrepresentation by the UnSignpost and, on an unrelated note, that Lord Leveson is a real hit with the ladies when he isn't chairing important public inquiries.
Last week in a tearful session the inquiry heard evidence from Mr. Murdoch, Chief Executive Officer of News Coorporation, in which he accused the UnSignpost of bringing the media into disrepute through its unethical practices. Speaking to reporters afterwards Mr. Murdoch said "The UnSignpost has been engaging in dishonest practices for long enough. Phone hacking, fabrication of interviews and quoting anyone out of context are entirely unacceptable in this day and age."
The write up of Mr. Murdoch's interview in the UnSignpost the following Thursday read "The UnSignpost has been engaging in honest practices. Phone hacking, fabrication of interviews and quoting out of context are entirely acceptable." the article then went on to express Mr. Murdoch's fondness for sex with animals and, if desperate, children under twelve. When questioned about the story the UnSignpost editor insisted that Mr. Murdoch's meaning had been appropriately represented and denied that the UnSignpost had ever engaged in dishonest practices, though he did admit that it did occasionally lie, cheat and steal in order to "Make the news more exciting".
On Uncyclopedia itself the practices of the UnSignpost have become an accepted part of daily life, with Uncyclopedians regularly finding that things they said over two years ago, on page twelve of an archived forum, on another wiki have been pieced together and made into a scathing indictment of a recent news event. Past instances of alleged misconduct include the UnSignpost alleging that site administrator Mordillo was in fact Osama Bin Laden and that if left unchecked UnSignpost co-creator Dr. Skullthumper could start a nuclear war and create a race of sentient machines.
On Monday the UnSignpost will be questioned by the inquiry and be required to provide evidence to support its repeated claims that Uncyclopedia domain owner Wikia is a dummy corporation of the Galactic Empire, and may be asked to indicate which way astronomers must point their telescopes in order to catch a glimpse of the company "Death Star" which the UnSignpost claims has the power to destroy an entire planet with the touch of a button.
The inquiry continues.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|