UnNews:Uncyclopedia Continues to Win Contest
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
13 March 2006
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Uncyclopedia has been declared winner for the umpteenth week in a row in the ongoing Popularity Contest between Uncyclopedia and *ncyclop*dia Dra*atica. A spokesperson for Uncyclopedia reported that they are "very pleased" with this week's victory and that the competition was "rather lame."
Ever since the creation of these two sites, they have been vying for traffic, edits, and users. Fierce competition tore them apart, as well as differing moralities, goals, and ideals. Although it was never really contested that Uncyclopedia would win, the contest has been continued out of pity for E.D. The Uncyc High Dictators also consider it "morale boosting" for Uncyc users to see how large of a margin there is between Uncyc and E.D.
Anonymous User Responses:
- "Ha ha, PWNED"
- "IN YOUR FACE, FUCKERS!!!"
- "Of course we won it, but we win everywhere. So, it's not a big surprise."
- "Uncyclopedia is a parody of Wikipedia; ED is just something ghey that crawled out of a hole."
As it is clearly seen, the popularity contest is popular at Uncyc, if only for the purpose of slandering ED. Of course, this would be inappropriate under normal circumstances, but the users at ED are subhuman:
- Common content at ED includes: Goatse, Porn, Anal Porn, Gay Anal Porn, Old People Porn, Gay Old People Porn, Gay Old People Anal Porn, and Gay Old People Anal Porn Goatse. The site revolves around LiveJournal, a site where 13 year olds display to the world how "emo" they are. Given all this, ED users are still confused as to why they rank so low in the contest.
Therefore, no guilt is found in mocking them mercilessly.
Reviews of the site are typically mean, caustic, and enirely accurate. Writes one wise scribe:
- The downfall of society, neatly placed in one URL.
- Good Lord is this an awful website. What attempts to be humor comes out as loud, obnoxious, and often pornographic subhuman shock-drivel. If you visit this site, you will be permanently scarred, by either one of the hundreds of dirty images or the mind-numbingly miserable articles which in no way even resemble something which could make anybody with an IQ in at least the double digits laugh.
- If you dare visit this site, make sure you do not have access to your belt, shoelaces, a rope, or anything else with which a suicide could be attempted. Your retinas will be scalded beyond use. You will most likely become homeless within a month.
- Please, this is for your protection. Do not visit this site.
Another author echoed these sentiments.
- Obsessed with matters anal, internet memes, and calling anything you dont like or understand "ghey"? Then maybe *ncyc*opedia Drama*ica is the site for you!
- If, however, you prefer humour that doesn't centre around anal violation and in-jokes about non-notable internet trolls you've never heard of (and frankly you should be glad you haven't), you'd do better to leave this awful repository of toilet humour well alone.
The Contest is, as of the writing of this article, still on for next week. We encourage all of our users to steer clear from ED for the sake of Goatse Virgin eyes. Fortunately this is easy, as they have been kicked off their hosting yet again.
- Big Brother. March 13, 2006