UnNews:UnNews uncovers Clinton/Obama sex scandal
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UnNews uncovers Clinton/Obama sex scandal
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, May 30, 2015, 10:24:UTC)(
3 February 2008
LOS ANGELES, California - They said at the latest Democratic debate that the candidates were friendly; what they forgot to mention was how friendly. Someone close to the Clinton campaign, who has asked to remain anonymous tells us what happened once the candidates got back stage.
"Well, as long as we're being honest, I think everyone could see that the candidates were flirting during the debate. A casual touch of the hand, a coy smile, a little footsy under the table; it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out. What really got everyone's attention was after the debate they removed their microphones and leaned in close and whispered sweet nothings in each other's ear."
How close were they you ask? UnNews was intrusive enough to ask.
"They were pretty close. Clinton confided in me that they almost started making out with each other on stage. It is common knowledge that the Clintons have a strong case of Jungle Fever. They walked off the stage whispering, and I swear I saw them go into Mrs. Clinton's dressing room. I didn't see them for the next half hour at least, and when I did they both appeared in higher spirits."
What does Bill think about all this? Apparently, he's completely fine with it. "She stuck by me, and I cheated a fair few times myself. Hell, I still do. I have to give her credit though; that Obama is a good looking man. Not that I'm gay or anything. Not that there is anything wrong with it - Ah **** - I guess what I'm trying to say is that he's better looking than Monica Lewinsky, Okay? Leave me the **** alone!"
When asked what she thought, Michelle Obama responded, "Oh no she DID-INNNT" and then ran from the room in a feral rage, presumably to find and kill Mrs. Clinton. She is still missing as of the time this article was written.
Both Obama and Mrs. Clinton refused to comment on the issue, though Mrs. Clinton did give us a sly wink while doing so.