UnNews:UnNews to merge with UN News
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UnNews to merge with UN News
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, August 1, 2015, 20:40:UTC)(
14 November 2006
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NEW YORK, NY -- UnNews, the leading provider of misinformation on the internet, will merge with UN News, the United Nations official information source. The deal was announced Monday afternoon in New York after tense negotiations between the two sides have concluded. The merger will take effect on December 1st.
Both sides are pleased with the agreement and foresee that the deal will improve both organizations. "It'll be a pleasure to work with the fine staff at UnNews," a smiling Secretary General Kofi Annan announced while toasting the Chief Editor of UnNews, Reverend Zim_ulator. "Likewise, I can't wait to engage with the diverse staff of the UN all around the world," affirmed the media mogul. Shares of UnNews' parent company Uncyclopedia (NYSE: UNC) rose nearly 2 percent after the announcement.
UnNews enthusiasts are hopeful the cooperation with the UN will give more depth and breadth to their articles. They will also garner a wider audience, as UnNews reports will be distributed to all UN member nations on a daily basis. Diplomats at the UN, meanwhile, believe that UnNews staff will add a fresh, hip perspective to the normally boring articles released by UN News. "I know the genocide and starvation in Darfur are terrible," said a special envoy to Sudan, "but I am sure there has to be a way to add a joke or two into news from that region." Reporter TShell agreed, and added that "the wide distribution network available through the United Nations will allow even readers in distant third world countries to enjoy a bit of humorous misinformation."
Details on the logistics of the merger are still being worked out. UnNews operations will remain largely the same, but all revisions to articles will now have to be approved by the Security Council, with all 5 permanent members wielding veto power. On the other side, it is rumored that the United Nations will adopt the monthly award concept from UnNews. New member nations will have a chance to win the "nOOb of the month" award. The Foolitzer Prize will also be awarded, but in the UN it will go to the world leader who made the most foolish decision in a given month.
Following the merger, UnNews profits will be distributed among UN News staff, while UnNews journalists will continue to remain unpaid. In order to stay competitive, rival The Onion is rumored to be in merger talks with the "Axis of Evil" nations.