UnNews:UnNews bureau ignores the news

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20 February 2010

Star wars porn

UnNews artists conception of UnNews reporting on UnNews.

CYBERSPACE -- UnNews management launched an investigation into a flurry of news dispatches having nothing to do with the news.

The news desk has begun emitting story after story about your Mom, the annoyances of Florida retirees, and the quest of fictional rock and roll bands to avoid fame.

"It's understandable," said Morris Greeley, chief of the UnNews un-news Bureau. "The nation is in its 14th month of debating a health-care bill no one can read, in its 5th year of waiting for the wars to end and Gitmo to be closed, and in its 10th year of waiting for there to be jobs. Our developers can't think of any stories worthy of being reported. Besides, who'd want to read news about news? Still, if the trend continues, I'll have to set up a Grue Desk, or something."

The rest of UnNews editors disagree with Greeley, and are pressuring their journalists to, "check out the actual news, once in a while." This is according to UnNews source inside UnNews, who spoke to UnNews on the condition of anonymity.

"The current pathetic state of UnNews is a direct result of disobedience to the will of our founding staff," says Redundancy Desk reporter Nancy Boy. "They had a bold vision of a satirical publication that would follow actual news, twist it, and regurgitate high-quality humor. It's mostly a few frequent contributors, who keep sneaking these stories past editors. These bastards will be dealt with harshly."

If UnNews gets much more unbearable, Greeley speculated that reporters will stoop to writing articles consisting of interviews with other UnNews personnel about UnNews.

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