UnNews bureau ignores the news
We distort, you deride
Tuesday, October 16, 2018, 11:05:UTC)(
20 February 2010
"It's understandable," said Morris Greeley, chief of the UnNews un-news Bureau. "The nation is in its 14th month of debating a health-care bill no one can read, in its 5th year of waiting for the wars to end and Gitmo to be closed, and in its 10th year of waiting for there to be jobs. Our developers can't think of any stories worthy of being reported. Besides, who'd want to read news about news? Still, if the trend continues, I'll have to set up a Grue Desk, or something."
The rest of UnNews editors disagree with Greeley, and are pressuring their journalists to, "check out the actual news, once in a while." This is according to UnNews source inside UnNews, who spoke to UnNews on the condition of anonymity.
"The current pathetic state of UnNews is a direct result of disobedience to the will of our founding staff," says Redundancy Desk reporter Nancy Boy. "They had a bold vision of a satirical publication that would follow actual news, twist it, and regurgitate high-quality humor. It's mostly a few frequent contributors, who keep sneaking these stories past editors. These bastards will be dealt with harshly."