UnNews:UnNews audio possessed by evil entities
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|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
7 October 2006
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THE INTERWEB, UnNews bunker -- UnNews audio was hijacked, or in this case, soul-jacked, by at least seven distinct entities during the course of normal business today. An unnamed audiocaster began behaving strangely about three hours ago, when he demanded "toast done on one side" from his dog Evelyn, and then from his wife, some kind of satanic sausage made from blood or something.
"It's amazing. He's catatonic and yet he can still speak... sort of." a disheveled and damp John Edward, famed psychic and leprechaun said to UnNews. " I sensed at least seven distinct entities communicating through UnNews newly-discovered medium while speaking with him on the phone. True, he does sound like an idiot, but hell, have you ever watched my retarded shit on late night? I mean, the sheer volume of easily deceived sheep in America googles the mind. I hope that UnNews will respect my boundaries as it plummets into the psychic news business. See?, Even you didn't know that was going to happen yet."
UnNews has resolved to disrespect John Edward entirely. It's been discovered that the particular audiocaster in question was cycling through the medications, prescribed by a team of Harvard research psychiatrists, mind you, and that his problem is entirely psychotropic.
We apologise for the ranting, random drivel you, our dear readers, have been exposed to thus far. So now, I only ask that you vote "Mr. R L Gumby" for president in the upcoming
electoral farce election
- UnNews Staff "UnNews: Pathetic waste of bandwidth, or the new "Red Menace?"". UnNews, October 7, 2006