UnNews:UnNews Public Radio relocates, installs UTF-8 audio upgrade

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6 July 2006

Aufzug eagles nest diagram

New broadcast facilities for UnNews audio broadcasts and podcasts, located safely underground. Disgruntled listeners can vent their anger with a direct hit with a MOAB.

UNNEWS NEWSROOM, the Interweb -- Uncyclopedia's hot new broadcast service, UPR or UnNews Public Radio, announced upgrades to its hardware, software, and recording facilities. The move comes in the wake of the UnNews's eviction from a cheesy artist's loft in Serbia. Landlord Slobodan Milosevic finally cracked under the pressure of being a hated war criminal, entered the premises about 4:00 GMT this morning with a grenade launcher, and chased out the slovenly staff, cursing and calling them "Dirty, Muslim-loving hippies.". The only actual long-hair on the premises, Reverend zim, was shot with the rocket launcher, escaping with his life, but left horribly disfigured and in considerable pain.

Noted radio personalities Jack Shite and Oliver O'Reilly were struck about the head with signs saying "New Life Now!" by a throng of protesters that swarmed into the small office complex in the village of Bhutfhuk. After the carnage, UnNews correspondents fanned out into the village, but were unable to find out what the hell those signs meant.

The hero of the day was an anonymous Danish staffer who pulled half-dead bodies out of the wreckage. When asked how he summoned the courage to charge into the burning buildings 4 times, he said, "I know I'm supposed to go to Hell because of all the crap I pull on n00bs and lusers. I figured, saving a few of their miserable carcasses might get me in tight with The Big Guy." He then banned several butt wipes with a flourish and said, "Actually, that's a load of shite. I was coming down from magic mushrooms and codeine, and I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. Jesus, I'd never have done that without drugs."

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The new site of Studio UPR is several hundred feet underground, situated beneath Hitler's infamous Eagle's Nest. It rests beneath reinforced blast-proof walls and will be secure against attacks from religious nuts, idiots, wankers, and putzes who want to shut UnNews down for telling it like it is. Computers have been upgraded from 486's and Apple II's, smoking marijuana is encouraged, and there's free coffee for the staff at Studio UPR. Last week, a buttload of cheap but usable sound equipment fell off a truck, so the cheapie mics which came with the original computers have been replaced with shiny, newish $10.00 ones.

Although the quality of reporting and recording is not expected to improve, a noticeable difference will be the installation of UTF-8 Audio technology. Files encoded with the new software render the content intelligible to most English speakers, albeit the accent of the reporters may sound odd. This enables listeners to understand content which might otherwise be unintelligible. There are currently no plans to merge the UTF-8 efforts with the Babel project, but it's expected some users may hack it anyway.

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  • Uncyclopedia's excellent article on phonetic priapismatic specifications which the spoken word lead to Finding another way to adjust my medication emphatic. Speech_to_text_software
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