UnNews:Ugly women are unwanted, study says
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Ugly women are unwanted, study says
The one that Univisión did not buy out
Friday, February 12, 2016, 20:27:UTC)(
5 September 2007
London, Ontario (UnNews) - A new study has confirmed what men have known for millions of years; ugly women don't get laid. The study, which was carried out by Dr. Phillipe Rushton of the University of Western Ontario, has come under intense criticism from women's groups and many in the feminist movement are calling for Dr. Rushton's resignation. Dr. Rushton responded to the criticism by stating "Why do you feminazis give a flying fuck what the research says anyways, you're all a bunch of dykes. Why do you care what men think, you fucking hate us anyways." .
In his study, Rushton states that up to 5% of the female population doesn't get laid due to poor looks. "Poor looks mean poor genetic quality and I think thats why ugly women are reviled in almost every culture". " I mean look at someone like Ann Coulter or Rosie O'Donnell, it wouldn't matter what part of the world we were in, no one would touch those nasty pieces of work with a 10 foot pole. They are both disgusting and no amount of alcohol in the world would make those two pretty".
Feminist spokeswoman Rosie O'Donnell stated that even though she prefers snatches to sausages, she believes that she has every right in the world to criticize Dr. Rushton's findings. "All Dr. Rushton's biased and sexist data does is give the patriarchy more reason to oppress us. Rushton uses evolution to justify the horrible treatment of women worldwide". O'Donnell believes that physical attraction does not actually exist and is determined totally by culture. When asked why men of all cultures find her hideous and repulsive, she responded that they have all been brainwashed in a global media conspiracy lead by her arch-nemesis Donald Trump.
Dr. Rushton has simply dismissed O'Donnell as a liberal loonie but he says that people should look at the data with an open mind and realize that his results are expected if one studies human mating behaviour from an evolutionary perspective. Although most on the political left have distanced themselves from Rushton, he does have one powerful ally, the evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins. While Dawkins states he does not believe in discrimination he says that Rushton's findings are accurate and factual. He says that evolutionary pressures act on both sexes and that the ugly just don't survive. "Survival of the hottest" he says. But to be fair, Dawkins states that there are different but equally unfair evolutionary pressures on men as well.
Dawkins went on to explain that while women's role in the mating game involved looking good and just sitting pretty, men had a much more difficult task ahead of them. Even men who are considered attractive have to battle it out amongst each other for access to the hottest babes. Men who are physically weak, emotional, desperate, or needy will lose out in the human mating game. According to Dawkins, these types of behaviours are not adaptive at all and he wonders why they persist in modern times. He believes that this type of behaviour may be a recent phenomenon that has emerged in the late 20th century due to feminism and political correctness. Rushton agreed with this assessement and believes that the feminist movement has successfully de-balled the vast majority of the North American male population. Rushton referred to this phenomenon as the "Pussification of Western Society."
Taking a less offensive tone then his colleague, Dawkins also stated that most women have nothing to fear from Rushton's results. "While men want to procreate with the hottest women, they will bang just about anything above a certain minimum threshold of attractiveness. The average woman has nothing to fear from Rushton's findings." Dawkins did acknowledge that Rushton's findings confirm that some women are so ugly, no one will procreate with them but says that overall it is actually men who have more evolutionary pressure on them when it comes to sex. "I mean seriously, even moderately ugly chicks can get laid when enough alcohol is involved" says Dawkins while fondly recalling his days as an undergrad at Oxford. You know how the old saying goes "Two at ten, ten at two". Still though, Dawkins realized that like some pathetic, weak and nerdy men, some women will just never get laid. Normally loved by the Left because of his opposition to religion, Dawkins was harshly criticized by feminists worldwide. Dawkins responded more politely than Rushton and stated "Look, Natural Selection doesn't care about hurt feelings. It doesn't care about political correctness, equality, or tolerance. All Natural Selection cares about is getting the best genes possible for each organism it acts on." Dawkins went on to explain that anyone who disagrees with him should read his book "The Selfish Gene" which he mentioned is on sale at Coles.
Normally a supporter of left-wing ideas and causes, Dawkins has been asked repeatedly from many left wingers including feminazis, other atheists, commies, bleeding heart liberals, environuts, and anarchists why he supports Rushton's research, he had this to say. "Look I'm not saying I like the guy or that I agree with his ideology but his findings make sense in an evolutionary context and all the evidence supports it, we shouldn't shy away from the truth if its uncomfortable. That's what creationists and politicians do, we don't want to be like them".
This research is the latest in a long line of controversial studies by Dr. Rushton including a 1994 study stating that Asians were smarter than both black and white people and a 2006 study that said men were four times smarter than women on average. Dr. Rushton's next study is a research project on the intelligence of the American population which anecdotal evidence suggests is less than half of the world's average. While Dr. Rushton believes this to be true, like any good scientist, he will wait until all the evidence is in before making a claim.