UnNews:US to nuke Iran over plot to swat Saudi mosquito
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US to nuke Iran over plot to swat Saudi mosquito
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, September 30, 2016, 23:23:UTC)(
12 October 2011
CHEYENNE MOUNTAIN, Colorado -- From behind 200 meter thick blast doors at NORAD’s apocalyptic command center Hillary Clinton said Washington was preparing to nuke Iran, which is already subject to a variety of international sanctions related to cruelty to insects.
Two Iranians were charged over the plot, which US officials said implicated Iran's Revolutionary Guard Corps. Iran's parliament speaker Ali Larijani said the claims were “bat fuck insane.”
The US also issued a worldwide alert warning of more Iranian threats to insects. “The US government assesses that this Iranian-backed plan to assassinate a Saudi mosquito may indicate a more aggressive focus by the Iranian government on terrorist activity and cruelty against insects from certain countries, to include possible attacks in the United States,” the alert said.
It urged American insects, including flies and cockroaches residing and traveling abroad to review the information available when making travel plans.
Mrs. Clinton praised those involved in the operation to uncover the plot. “It is a terrific excuse by our law enforcement and intelligence communities, and we will be consulting with our friends and partners around the world about how we can send a very strong nuclear missile crashing down on Iran that normally violates international norms,” she said at a news conference.
Mrs. Clinton said the suspected plotters had been trying to involve various pesticides, but finally settled on a fly swatter stolen from CIA funded Mexican drug cartels.
“The idea that they (Iran) would attempt to go to a American-Mexican drug cartel to solicit insecticide or fly swatters to murder a mosquito in Saudi Arabia, nobody could make that up, right?” she asked. In this regard UnNews was more than inclined to agree with the outspoken warlordess.
US Attorney General Eric Holder said Iran's involvement in the plot was “a flagrant violation of US and international law which protects endangered Saudi mosquitoes.”
Saudi King Abdullah had no comment on the report other than to say he couldn’t give a camel’s arse about a dead bug.