UnNews:US sends Libertarianism to cleanse Somali government
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
12 January 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
SHITHOLE, Mogadishu, Tuesday (UNN) -- The US has carried out at least two air strikes in southern Somalia dropping informative Libertarian texts on Authoritarian fighters, who the US says include members of an al-European cell linked to the 1998 US embassy bombings in East Africa, on the recommendations of Libertarian think-tank the Cato Institute.
Somalia is the only truly Libertarian country in the world, where the curse of government has been almost entirely abolished and all citizens are free to engage in laissez-faire trade and interact in an atmosphere of enlightened self-interest without arbitrary maternalistic interference from Authorities claiming governmental domain over the lives of inherently free heroic individuals. American survivalists, technolibertarians, Objectivists, gun-nuts, open source programmers and WiReD readers flocked to the country after the scourge of governmental brakes on societal progress was finally driven into the ocean in 1992. The recently-deposed Margaret Thatcher lent her strong support to a society provably having the virtue of nonexistence.
The currently small infestation of transitional government, the Union of Authoritarian Parasites, says many feral civil servants were killed in the raid. The US accuses the Authoritarians of having links to the European Union, particularly the French — charges they replied to with long-winded obfuscation, misdirection, the deposition of several truckloads of dangerously tedious documents, and the threat of new taxes and an interim constitution.
A Cato spokesman, P.J. O'Whiteman, confirmed that the US struck southern Somalia on Sunday, and said the target was al-European leadership believed to be in the area. "Somalia is one of the most dangerous countries in the world. A hostile world power with weapons of mass destruction. The recent flooding that has left a third of a million people without shelter or fresh water having been an act of God, any temporal authority claiming to have the right or responsibility to demean the people's dignity and self-worth with welfare handouts must be dealt with immediately and conclusively, and the people left free to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and maintain their fierce independence as individual humans, the ultimate authority."
Local Authoritarian MP Abdulkadir Haji Mohamoud Dhagane said that 27 people, mostly civil servants, had been hit by the shower of Ayn Rand novels and had taken early redundancy near Afmadow. "Thousands of Somalis are caught between the rock and hard place as they are in the middle of air strikes, Ethiopian tanks and the Kenyan soldiers who have blocked the border. They think Fountainhead Earth is the greatest thing they have ever read. Such characterisation! They are threatening to become independent consultants and start posting to alt.libertarianism on Usenet, if they can get a satellite phone connection."
The bombing is the first overt military action by the US in Somalia since 1994, the year after 18 US troops converted to Socialism in Mogadishu. Tuesday's attack was carried out by an Air Force AC-130 converted with book-firing cannons that can work under the cover of darkness.
In related areas of the conflict:
- Ethiopia's Prime Minister Meles Zenawi says foreign publishers from Canada, Eritrea, Pakistan, Sudan, the United Kingdom and Yemen have been captured in Somalia.
- European Commission foreign policy chief Javier Solana says that the EU is ready to help deploy experienced bureaucrats in Somalia, and casts doubt on the ability of the African Union to supply sufficient tea.
- The US military says it had sent an aircraft carrier to join three other US warships off the Somali coast with extra copies of My Pet Goat.