UnNews:US promotes woman to combat command

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US promotes woman to combat command

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14 May 2016

Lori Robinson

Gen. Robinson Berenson (File Photo).

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- U.S. Air Force general Lori Berenson has become the first-ever female to head a combatant command.

Lori became famous for visiting Peru and joining the Sendero Luminoso (Slippery Path) brigade, until Alberto Fujimori became President, used strong-arm tactics to rout the terrorists, and jailed her for 999 years in a remote prison in the Andes. An American cause celebré, Lori was freed after years of public outcry and, showing why Peru remains a top tourist destination, Fujimori has now taken Lori's place in the exact same cell.

The U.S. military opened all its jobs to women last year, including carrying 120-pound (55 kg) backpacks. The move led to the typical military scramble to show Congress that there were instant and positive results and that women were now equally represented in all jobs and at all ranks, between pregnancies.

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New batch of hate words is ready

Lori was a natural for this mission. She is an alumna of the University of New Hampshire, which recently put a policy document on its website expanding the number of words that constitute "hate speech," for the first time including the word "American." Military analysts say Lori will order American pilots to identify themselves to ground controllers and adversaries by simply saying, "We're from The West" or telling knock-knock jokes.

Lori has said she views herself as a leader who just happens to be a woman. However, the White House insisted she will re-re-purpose the U.S. military to reach out not only to militant Islam but to militant feminists — instituting nurturing workplaces, gender-balanced pin-ups in bunks, frequent lactation stations on the boot camp obstacle course where cadets can express milk, and ensuring that combat is a non-threatening work environment.

Lori Berenson behind bars

A young Gen. Berenson earning her stripes.

Lori told the U.S. Senate last month that Russia was the "largest external threat to U.S. national security," but the White House will inform her that President Obama and Secretary of State John Kerry have declared it is instead global warming. She also told the Senate that "home-grown extremists" were also a threat, and the White House will advise her not to neglect the violent role of the Republican Party and domestic terrorism masterminds the Koch Brothers.

Mr. Obama did not comment on the promotion, as Military Week is approaching and he has been shuffled off to foreign countries lest he commit another signature gaffe such as describing Lori as a member of the "Marine Corpse."

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