UnNews:US minority party still beset by surrender instinct

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12 May 2010

Missing senator

Would a member of the minority party sit here?

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The United States opposition party in Congress continues masterfully to wrest defeat from the jaws of victory.

The party, whose name was not immediately available, celebrated the fact that it forced the debate on President Obama's complicated health care reform to drag on for fifteen months. The surprise election of Scott Brown to fill the Senate seat of the late Ted Kennedy supposedly showed the ruling Democrats that support for Obama-care would cost them elections, and the dawning of an election year ensured that such a controversial bill was doomed. Then the minority party did what it does best: adjourned for a gala celebrity banquet, probably, during which the bill became law.

More recently, the minority party used the filibuster power it acquired with Sen. Brown's election to thrice block the Senate from taking up a bill putting more regulation on Wall Street. Then it surrendered, hoping to help make less bad a bill it could have killed.

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Partisans are now predicting that the minority party will pick up a huge number of seats in the November elections, as is typical at the mid-term of a President. Members of Obama's coalition are dropping like flies; Bart Stupak, anti-abortion champion until it mattered, and powerful budget-writer David Obey have declared that they need to spend more time with their families, which, if it were true, would have kept them out of politics in the first place.

However, predictions of an electoral house-cleaning are being made by the same people who would never mention that a pitcher has gone eight innings without allowing a single baserunner. There is such a thing as a jinx, and the minority party surely invented it. Reportedly, the minority party has popular ideas for governance, but is merely unwilling to state them during campaigns.

Spokesmen for the minority party were not available for comment, as no one, still, knows who they are.

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