UnNews:US closes all embassies in Arabia from terror "chatter"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
US closes all embassies in Arabia from terror "chatter"
Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out
Sunday, August 30, 2015, 16:33:UTC)(
4 August 2013
Presidential spokesman Art Carney said, "We are advising that it would be provocative for embassy personnel to be on the job during the traditional Christian day of rest, and it would further de-fuse tension if they weren't anywhere else either."
The move is seen as sending a message throughout Arabia. The likely message is that there could be a terrorist attack on an embassy that President Obama doesn't ignore beforehand, blow off and go to bed early during, to sleep up for an important fundraiser the next day, or blame on YouTube.
The move was accompanied by a wide-ranging "terrorist advisory," giving U.S. tourists the same message they have gotten consistently since 2001: Look for threats everywhere and expect an imminent terrorist attack at any time. But just act normal.
Sen. Amnesty Chambliss (R-Ga.) said the move was based on increased "chatter" in Yemen. This also sends a message, namely, that terrorists' Yemeni lines of communication are being watched and that they should henceforth plan bombings in other ways. Sen. Chambliss's party, in the minority of the Senate, is big on sending messages; currently, that again refusing to fund Obama-care, and this time not attaching it to a throwaway bill to rename three miles of an expressway that will die from inaction, does not mean they hate black people, women, Jews, and gays.
Secretary of State John Kerry, who has a career of opening dialogues that might serve to send messages that could lead to future serious talks designed at passing concrete resolutions, said the embassy closing was the most promising overture since the Administration "re-purposed" much NASA funding toward Muslim outreach. He said, "I look forward to the day when we can invite every suitcase bomber to spend August at Space Camp."
Yemen is home to the world's most dangerous al-Qaeda cell, the same one that sent the Undie-bomber to bring down an airliner over Detroit, Michigan on Christmas, 2009. He failed in his mission through inexperience, as there were no veteran suicide bombers who could be sent in his place.
But the Associated Press notes that the terror threat, and Congressional discussion over how it was detected, comes at an awkward time, so soon after legislators expressed revulsion at having the National Security Administration sift through everyone's email and telephone records without even an unsigned order from the secret anti-terrorism court. This itself might send an important message; namely: "Nothing to see here, folks; move along!"
Sen. Kelly Amnesty (R-N.H.) countered that it might send an altogether different message: that it is just as safe as before to pass her Balanced Budget Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which contains a vital loophole for years when the United States is either at war, or would be except that Congress did not feel like voting to declare one, as has been the case every year since 1948.
The United Kingdom has also announced the closing of its embassies in Arabia, both Sunday and Monday. One diplomat defended the move as classically British. "Think of it as a bombing Boxing Day," he said.