UnNews:US census response lags

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Where man always bites dog

12 April 2010

Illegals

None of these people are going to fill out the census.

OAKLAND, California -- Rates of response to the 2010 decennial U.S. census are lagging behind those for 2000, and wire services are blaming, what else? lack of government funding.

This even though the form was mailed to every American household, along with a letter the week before saying it was coming, a postcard the week after asking if you got it, and incessant broadcast and display advertising reminding citizens that their response is the key to their states getting free money.

In 2000, California dedicated $24.7 million to the census campaign. By comparison, the state now has only $18,000 left to its name. Ignacio de la Fuente, a city councilor here, says, "Nosotros podríamos agarrar mas del lucro," a theme that resonates with his illiterate but easily organized constituents.

If residents don't respond by next week, it will start a costly and unwanted process of sending politically connected canvassers door-to-door.

The census not only affects the distribution of money but the number of congressmen allocated to the states. Cities like Oakland are mobilizing to convince minorities to be counted, so that California does not lose congressmen to places like Nevada, where the population "clings to religion and their guns," to quote a famous politician, not to mention real jobs, and where photographs of Democratic candidates are used mostly as shooting targets.

The census form conveniently lets respondents indicate their racial classification, inability to speak English, or other suitability to serve as poster children to pour more loot into the cities. There is a field to report everything...except whether you snuck into the country. And the extra push in big cities comes even though canvassers will be counting telephone poles, shadows, and patio furniture as Negroes needing extra congressmen, and have famously declared their willingness to guess if counting doesn't work.

In side-by-side tracts near Chinatown, 72 percent of the Asians responded to the census, while only 41 percent of the Hispanics did, although the latter group is mostly registered to vote, in at least two countries. Activists say there is only one reason for this difference (apart from cracker racism): the money spent on--them.

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects