UnNews:US bikini wax ban plans ditched

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21 March 2009

No beavers

Beavers still being wiped out

TRENTON, NJ: In a recent report sent to the New Jersey Department of Health, the Cosmetology and Hairstyling Board proposed that bikini waxing be banned, due to a case of two women being hospitalised with infections caused by the process. The process involves pouring hot wax on the pubic area, and after it has cooled, yanking it off, taking all the hair with it. The report made this conclusion, "Where did this idea come from, it's like some form of medieval torture. We can not imagine who would want to do this, with the exception perhaps of the Brazilians"

Numerous lesbian groups have come forward in opposition of the proposed ban. Their spokesperson, Marion Mufflick made the groups position clear, "We have a right to a smooth pubic area and this ban would have more far reaching consequences. For one, it has been demonstrated that swallowing of hair can create hairballs in the stomach which is a sever health risk to our members. Not to mention the hardship it would place on many of our members who wish to stay closeted? A woman sexual preference becomes pretty obvious when she goes to work with whisker burn on her chin."

The National Board of Gynecologists sided with the group saying the hairless trend had allowed them to cut exam time in half. Dr. Mike Hunt, a board member had this to say, "It's just much easier to do an exam now, no more searching through a field of hair trying to find the vagina. Believe me, I worked in Europe for a few years and let me tell you, some of those German girls were in the stirrups for hours and more than a few speculums went missing in the jungle."

The State of New Jersey has decided to delay any decision until more thorough studies have been made. Rutgers University will be doing a trial to see whether hair or hairless has any effect on vaginal health. As a sponsor for the trial, the "Wanna Tayka Peeka" Fraternity will be offering a free "Shave and a Haircut" event at their house this coming Saturday. All interested female students can call to make an appointment. Please note that the procedure may be filmed for data collection purposes.

Beauty salons in New Jersey reportedly offer bikini waxing for up to $60. Spa owner Linda Orsuto told the Associated Press news agency: "New Jersey has too much Government interference as it is, you can tell the lawmakers they have no business in what is or isn't in our pants."

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