UnNews:US Vice President swears, throwing nation into turmoil
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US Vice President swears, throwing nation into turmoil
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, May 1, 2016, 12:38:UTC)(
24 March 2010
WASHINGTON D.C. -- In a disgusting disregard for the ears of children who don't understand its meaning and the sensitivities of alarmists, 67-year-old American Vice President Joe Biden recently said the word "fuck" quietly to his friend, US President Barack Obama, which was caught on television by accident. The event has rocked the nation to its very core, with Republicans and a small minority of Democrats calling the event "unconstitutional." Ten states have threatened legal action.
Mr. Obama released a statement to the press supporting the despicable and irreverent Vice President, which earned him further hatred from the Republican Party. Representative Joe Wilson then leapt to his feet and shouted "You lie!" to which Mr. Obama responded "I do not, I do not" clearly not understanding the devastating effect this swear word has had on the country, which has been thrown into chaos and despair.
47-year-old housewife and mother of two Debra Penning, who considers herself an expert on disliking swear words, professed that she believed this administration would be nothing but bad news from the start, and that the long campaign of swearing this administration had shown was in complete contempt of the majority of Americans. "This administration has shown an anti-real-American agenda from the start, as well as a Gay agenda and an agenda of work that it intends to prosecute. How much more biased information do we have to show this adminstration before it comes to its senses?" she asked triumphantly.
"I have five-year-old children who don't know the meaning of the word and aren't offended by it. I don't want them to hear it. I have my mother who's old and deaf coming around today. I don't want her to hear it. I have a husband who comes home with dead foxes to cook for the children, and I wouldn't want him to hear it either. It's a complete disrespect for basic morality, and no wonder the controversy over it is so massive."
In other news, a bill related to health care was passed recently.