UnNews:US Military to go green
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US Military to go green
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, May 24, 2015, 20:15 (UTC)
3 June 2008
Above Ground In order to save us all from the scourge of terrorism, the US Military announced after an extensive internal review that all new military equipment henceforth will be powered by the process of photosynthesis.
"Too much energy is wasted today getting the payload to it's target, " explained chief of staff Oscar Wilde, "our new bombs can be grown as part of any standard crop, are nutritional and will be designed to scrub carbon dioxide and methane from the atmosphere during descent prior to obliterating everything below it."
Plant-based troop transport is also planned. Officials remain tight-lipped about the new transportation pods, but it is rumored that they will run on human waste and recycled foul language.