UnNews:UN climate group seeks to bypass Congress

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UN climate group seeks to bypass Congress

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1 June 2015

Laurent Fabius

French foreign minister Laurent Fabius told African delegates to avoid the U.S. Congress, because "We all know what 'they' are like."

BONN, Germany -- United Nations climate negotiators agreed on Monday that the new climate change treaty must not be sent to Congress. "We must find a formula which is valuable for the U.S. without going to the Congress," said France's Laurent Fabius, which is peculiar, because usually when you want something legally binding on the American people, you need a law passed.

The negotiators are looking to the U.S. to figure out how to avoid the U.S., as U.S. President Obama, an expert on his country's history and civics, has said he can do it because "I have a pen and a phone." Mr. Fabius said he has one of each as well.

Mr. Fabius has heard that each of the 50 states pass their own laws too, and thought it might be possible to get a new climate-change treaty ratified by, say, Oregon.

The negotiators are also studying Obama-care, which let everyone keep their existing plan (except that the company went out of business), keep their doctor (only he is spending all his time keypunching), and keep their tax refunds (provided you play ball, and give up smoking). A climate-change deal modeled on Obama-care might pay people to pollute even when they didn't want to, in order to take people who were trying to stop polluting and make them fill out forms instead. Making this legally binding would require unprecedented trickery. Unfortunately, Jonathan Gruber, who boasted about the complexity he put into Obama-care to get it passed before anyone figured it out, was busy answering questions about the money he took from states to guide them through his mess.

Those pushing for a deal include small island nations that fear being wiped out by rising ocean levels, although based on the last ten years of predictions, they should be delighted at all the new territory they are gaining without even a war.

Peru's delegate Manuel Pulgar-Vidal said he was "completely sure we will have an agreement." Taking as a model the nuclear weapons deal between John Kerry and Iran means the Paris round could be hailed as a success even if no one can find out what it says and the nations loudly disagree about what it was that they signed.

Negotiators also need to decide different requirements on rich and poor countries, which is a staple of climate change treaties. For example, the United States might have to install U.N. "political officers" in every factory, while Mexico would not even have to put out the rubbish fires at the edge of town, and China could keep building a coal plant a day.

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