UN calls for Olympic Peace

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29 July 2008


For those who cannot do without warlike activities, not even for some weeks, please note that there are at least some marksmanship contests during the Olympics. Also, the boxing events might occasionally draw some blood.

New York - United Nations General Secretary Monkey Boone called for the traditional Olympic truce today. All those who are at war should lay down their arms and watch the Olympic Games on TV instead, or ponder the rising prices for bombs and firearms.

On inquiry, the UN specified the terms and conditions of the Olympic truce as follows:

  • All activities regarding genocide, terror, or occupation, have to be completed by August 7, 11:59 p.m. (Beijing time).
  • All terror camps will be closed for holidays in the period from August 8 to August 24. Only cleaning and maintenance staff will be admitted.
  • All illegally detained people in Guantanamo and other secret CIA haunts will be released on parole in the stated period.
  • Land mines, cluster bombs and other scattered explosives are strictly ordered not to explode in the stated period.
  • Diehard warmongers such as Robert Mugabe, George W Bush or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad are kindly asked to seek medical treatment for the stated period.
  • Perishable goods like explosive belts or car bombs with a date of expiry in August should be used up before August 7.
  • The truce will end on August 24, 11:59 pm Beijing time. However, if a nation's athletes are out of the Olmypics before this date, this nation might be attacked before upon request.

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