UnNews:UK waits for Obama to come into office tomorrow morning
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UK waits for Obama to come into office tomorrow morning
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, September 4, 2015, 06:26:UTC)(
6 May 2010
London, United Kingdom -- Reports from over 40,000 polling stations from across the UK have confirmed suspicions that Barack Hussein Obama will finally take office as the King of the United Kingdom. His minions, Queen Elizabeth II and Gordon Brown, have given in to the populace in what looks like will turn out to be an historic election. However, he is not without competition, in the form of a man named "Cleggbama" in a craze which has spread the internet and TV, known as "Cleggmania".
Obama will soon leave office in the United States, hoping that the American media won't notice a change in administration. John Biden will replace him temporarily whilst Obama focusses his efforts in doubling the size of Britain. His plans stretch further than just creating a landmass in the Atlantic Ocean (stretching as far as the Falklands - so the UK will actually have a reason to own some pointless islands) with reform covering areas such as Economics (Modelled on Germany's purchase of Athens) and Environmental Planning (Modelled on Iceland's volcanic eruption).
His policy will largely be dominated by the intervals at which tea is served in Buckingham Palace. At 8am He will arise, read the Daily Mail or Metro (Free commuter Comic book) and have his daily Crumpets with Butter. He will then go for a short jog, and at Noon have his afternoon tea, if he isn't too full from Elevenses consumed beforehand. He will then spend at least 1 hour in traffic jams, possibly cutting through Green Park for Tea at Browns or the Ritz, and finally make his way into Number Ten Downing Street at around 3.00 pm.
However, while the public still waits for a decision to be cast by the House of Lords or European Ministers on his fulfilling the role as King of the UK, some voters voice their opinion, hailing his as "Fantastic", "Is he dangerous?" and even calling him "Not Just Any Fad Diet".
Other parties, and voters, are not so optimistic, and have concerns over his health and choice of suit. Some even mentioning His susceptibility to "Long Haul Flights" and "Jet Lag". These voters were then consolidated with the fact that he will only be living ten minutes away from the House of Commons, in Buckingham Palace.
All the negative voters laughed and had a good old Sing Song. More updates come through the night, as other editors update this article and put more truth into it (and write it in a more literate style).
On a lighter note, Cleggbama is Obama's second cousin, happens to speak Dutch (No, he really does too - weird, huh?) and has a nicer range of ties to choose from - Primark, Top-Man and Prada. He plans to win the elections by not losing if the House of Lords reject Obama. He is calling for 'Election Peace' and 'Justice for all voters'. Needless to say, the popular vote still lies with Obama, the true cookie.
That's all, thanks, and Happy Obama.