UnNews:UK to bury nuclear waste
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UK to bury nuclear waste
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, September 1, 2015, 14:24:UTC)(
7 February 2007
LONDON UK - Scientists in the UK have backed the government's plan to store nuclear waste underground as a long term solution to the problem of nuclear storage.
Professor Albert P. Einstein, ( no relation ) the UK's chief nuclear scientist and author of the report told UnNews,"We have got to do something with all this nuclear crap, all those swimming pools at the power plant are so full people keep getting injured doing water aerobics"
The report details several other methods the UK nuclear industry have used to help dispose of waste in the past; we asked the professor why they were abandoned in favour of deep storage:
- Keeping it in the garden shed
"We all tried taking some home and keeping it in the garden shed, but that turned out to be a bad idea in retrospect, all that business with the atomic-super rats put us off, although there were some very impressive looking entries at the vegetable show last year."
- Giving it away to people on the street
"I liked this one", the professor commented,"It worked very well, especially when we told them it was free confectionery. However, we were told by the I.A.E.A that this is not a good idea - spoilsports!"
- Coffin storage
"This worked well for a while; my brother in law is an undertaker, so we paid him to slip a bit of waste in with each body. We thought it was the perfect solution. However, we didn't bargain on any of the bodies being cremated. But like we said at the time, the explosion was very small compared to most nuclear blasts, and the 50 mile exclusion zone will be perfectly habitable again in about 1000 years or so."
The plan to bury the waste deep underground will begin in early 2008, the professor commented, "Until then we will just have to keep to the shallow end."
The UK government has announced that it also intends to use the deep storage facility for burying bad news.