UnNews:UK pubs disappear

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22 July 2009

PBAHAM

The traditional British pub.

UK pubs mysteriously diminish - The number of pubs in the UK has been reduced by 2,377 in the last 12 months, to a absurd amount of 53,466 thereby lowering the beer/British citzen ratio from 1250:1 to the alarming 1235:1. The UK is now losing 52 pubs a week.

Government officials are questioning pub owners as well as other suspects about the disappearances, it is not yet known if these vanishing pubs are the result of organised syndicate kidnappings, murders, or if the pubs are simply eloping to nicer countries.

The world wild life fund has held a number of emergency meetings to discuss if the drop in numbers is severe enough to warrant adding pubs to there UK endangered species list.

UnNews asked a local drunk in East London what his thoughts were on the current pub situation, he babbled out some absurd nonsense about a recession. What a tosser.

Other suggestions are that the disappearances might be gang related as cafe-style bars have recently been moving in on the pubs’ turf. The difference between bars and cafes is that cafes are better dressed; therefore cafes often accommodate a higher number of desperate drunk women. Both carry knives.

More to follow…

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