UnNews:UK prospects look better through Oculus Rift

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UK prospects look better through Oculus Rift

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9 October 2016

Boris VR

Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson assures a panicking Britain that as he sees it, everything is fine. Even the fire-breathing dragon sitting on the pile of gold in the corner looks good for a low-interest loan.

LONDON -- Leading Brexiteers are cheering that the Oculus Rift is going wireless, so they can immerse themselves in the vision of a post-Brexit EUtopia, regardless of any financial apocalypses.

Hollywood special effects experts have been drafted in to replace boarded-up shops with colourful bazaars, overflowing with far-eastern fruits and spices; and to adorn the London Stock Exchange with giant, animated Disney characters — imposing enough to distract traders from all the elephants in the parlour and camel's noses under the tent.

Boris Johnson, Liam Fox and David Davis have already commissioned world-class CGI gurus, such as Avatar wizard James Cameron and hobbit-flogger Peter Jackson. The masters of Virtual Reality have already piloted a digital overlay of Hackney, re-branded as an international market full of Aboriginal didgeridoos and jangly Chinese plastic tat, to show detractors that the post-Brexit UK will both look and sound better off.

As concern rises in Westminster for a pound that is now worth less than the coin that represents it, Boris Johnson will take to the stage wearing a Rift headset. The foreign secretary will demonstrate London’s pixel-perfect streets: where parks and roads are lined with luscious oak trees, bursting with apples, bananas, coconuts and tenners. The destitute, mumbling and dribbling in every city doorway, will be re-rendered as brightly coloured cheerful and friendly Pokémon, although Johnson admits there is still much work to do to tackle the smell of piss.

PM Theresa May said on Saturday night: “This marks the first stage in the UK becoming a sovereign-less, sovereign country once again. It will return power and authority to elected institutions and AutoCAD whiz kids. France and Germany may be saying, Give Brits enough Europe and they will hang themselves, but I say it means the end of the authority of EU law, as Britain laughs in the face of financial ruin.”

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