UnNews:UK children "most possessed by demons" in Europe
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||We distort, you deride|
9 June 2008
IN ANOTHER DAMNING INDICTMENT on modern "broken Britain" a Europe-wide survey has found that demons from the lowest pits of hell are possessing more UK children than almost any other EU state. It is estimated that around 67% of children younger than 16 have "experienced some degree of demonic possession." This is compared with such countries as Belgium who have a demonic possession rate of just 34%. Only France fair worse with a child demonic possession rate thought to be close to 120%.
The joint report by children's commissioners for all parts of the European Union said rates of demonic possessions of children across the country were "reaching epidemic levels". The "experts" said the evil infestations of childrens souls had risen steadily between 2002 and 2006 and that, unless this was slowed then every child in the UK would be a host to a spawn of Lucifer by the year 2014.
Author of the report Dr V Helsung expressed his own concerns, "put it this way, think of that film "The Omen" and times that by 10,000 and I think you'll see the extent of the problem this country faces."
Helsung pointed to related studies, which were undertaken by his team in 2003 which found that up to 64% of the adult male population of Britain was a werewolf, "this points to a concerted campaign from the Dark One to usurp Gods throne and open the gates of hell onto us all."