This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
13 June 2007
SOME SEX OFFENDERS are to be given a "stern dressing down" as part of an overhaul of how paedophiles are handled. Convicted nonces will be given harsh tellings off in a pilot scheme which will also see compulsory tsks and tuts, to be given by specially trained police officers.
Home Secretary John Reid has announced proposals later to allow parents and guardians to also look on in harsh disapproval as pederasts and kiddie fiddlers are publicly lambasted. For the first time they will also be given the right to shake their head in disgust and sneer derisorily.
In a statement this morning Reid stated that the plans, first announced in April, "represent a well thought out and appropriate chastisement for such behaviour. I think all these offenders need is a basic good old fashioned telling off. There is nothing that hits home more than a harsh tongue lashing and a few well placed tuts and hang wringing."
"All this nonsense about stringing them all up and cutting off their "particulars" is counter-productive and, quite frankly, rather rude!"
Prime Minister Tony Blair told the Commons the new laws are "nothing to do with me guv, I'll be sunning myself in Cuba this time next month, woohoo!".