UnNews:UK Government: "Slave wage jobs for Brits only"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
UK Government: "Slave wage jobs for Brits only"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, May 1, 2016, 12:28:UTC)(
25 October 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
LONDON, England -- UK Immigration officials have made plans to limit the number of unskilled workers who can work in Britain when Romania and Bulgaria join the European Union. Under these plans, skilled workers such as doctors and architects are allowed an unrestricted number of work permits but low-paid unskilled manual labourers will have their numbers capped.
Romania and Bulgaria, both former glorious, productive and happy Communist Soviet countries, are poised to become the poorest ghettos of the Capitalist European Union when their membership begins in November. The last time former Soviet countries joined the Union in 2004, the number of unskilled workers arriving in Britain to work soared to over two hundred and five thousand times the predicted amount annually.
Professor Ihaff Nopanz, senior lecturer at the University of Watford and a leading expert on absolutely everything, explains the Government's actions.
"The average British citizen does not want to compete against unskilled Romanians and Bulgarians. The average British citizen has enough trouble competing with the masses of unskilled British citizens. Surely everyone can see that it is the Government's duty to ensure that every badly-paid job in the country is occupied by our own people? I want everyone to know that whenever they pick up overpriced fruit in the supermarket, that fruit was hand-picked by the sweat, blood and tears of honest British men, women and children. Similarly, it is clear to me - as it should be to you - that allowing foreign doctors, programmers and satirists to take all the high-paid professional jobs in our nation is just common sense. If our people wanted those jobs, they'd already be filled."
When the floor was opened for questions, one journalist asked if foreign university lecturers would be invited to work in Britain. Professor Nopanz, who entered Britain in 2002 claiming asylum on humanitarian grounds, stated simply: