UnNews:UK Detonates Comedian Sacha Baron Cohen
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UK Detonates Comedian Sacha Baron Cohen
We distort, you deride
Friday, May 22, 2015, 20:10 (UTC)
10 October 2006
This week against staunch international opposition the United Kingdom announced that it had successfully detonated renowned comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, better known as Ali G, in a controlled explosion over the Atlantic. Tony Blair held a press conference, announcing that "the British comedic deterrent has once more proved its worth." Seismic monitoring stations worldwide recorded a huge farting noise as an estimated 10 kiloGiggles of atomically stored comedy burst into shivering life.
Reports that the detonation had led to substantial fallout in Kazakhstan and the USA were denied by the premier, who insisted that "the detonation was carried out under controlled circumstances" and that in any case "shields of yes-men with no sense of irony have been proven 99% effective against humorous detonations."
Meanwhile the humour-rays induced mild tickling sensations in lifeforms within a 3000 km radius; a number of cruise-ships experienced camp acting, exploding telephones, cases of mistaken identlty and gratuitous nakedness, while George Bush is believed to have let slip a gurgling baby-chuckle at a meeting with North Korean president Kim Jong-il, seriously damaging relations with Germany. Chancellor Angela Merckel of Germany issued an angry statement attacking "Der Britischer xenofobik stereotypink sense of 'umour", adding that "Ve Chermans 'af nefer 'ad a sense of 'umour and we zee nur raisin to get vun."
Asked how it felt to be a WMD, Mr Baron-Cohen said "It tickled a bit. Frankly, if you want me to say something funny you'll have to come back a bit later; I'm all spent."