UnNews:UKIP leader to become Russian Prime Minister for a month
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|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
4 April 2014
Farage has taken UKIP from the fringes of the political circus to centre stage with an act involving shoving hot custard pies down the trousers of British Prime Minister David Cameron and his deputy Nick Clegg. Farage was said he was 'delighted' with the offer and will replace the current Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev who can go now on holiday in Crimea (perhaps Moldova next) for a month. Putin is said to have insisted on the job change as he has admired Farage ever since he said the European Union was a Fascist-supporting organisation for their involvement in the Ukraine. Now Putin wants to show Farage how he can run the largest state on Earth without going power mad.
"This is great news for Britain," said a beaming Farage. "No sooner had I wiped the floor with that jelly legged Clegg on our television debate about the European Union, that I received a box containing bottles of Old Moscow Peculiar and Vladi's Vodka. Once I picked myself up the floor a few days later, I was in Moscow to meet Vladimir Putin in the Kremlin. He said 'Nick, thanks for coming over. Now I show you how you can govern an unruly country like England when you become their leader. You understand Dmitry?' I of course said yes, even though Putin confused me with Nick Clegg and Dmitry Medvedev."
Farage's new job will involve opening fetes, kissing babies and sucking the toes of Russia's oligarchs. And agreeing with Vlad. Putin said he hopes Farage's work experience will be good training when it comes to dealing with enemies.
"I wanted to show Norris that we in Russia have a long history when dealing with political opponents. I am sure he will learn enough to take back with him to England and prepare his party for an alliance with Russia. Our countries share so much history. We both hated Napoleon, The Kaiser, Hitler and now Angela Merkel and Nigel Clegg. So I see a lot of shared political interests which I trust will be implemented."
The Ukip leader is expected to take up the job after the European Parliamentary elections in May 2014. Putin said he hoped other radical/pro-Russian European politicians will take up the job. French National Front leader Marine Le Pen is said to be 'keen as Dijon mustard' to have to have her turn as Putin's girl.