UnNews:UFC Lightweigth Champion to be Acting SecNavy
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|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
14 April 2009
Today the Robert Winters resigns his post as the 74th Secretary of the Navy. He had promised to stay on until today to help ease President Obama's transition into the White House as well as take care of a few personal projects. Succeeding ex-Secretary Winters will be UFC lightweight champion BJ "The Prodigy" Penn. This is part of President Obama's joint-strategy of connecting with young voters, and beating enemies of the US into submission. "I'm going to defend this country as if it were my championship belt" says Penn. "If anyone steps up to challenge the US, I'm going to destroy them. Like how I destroyed Sean Sherk in UFC 84".
When questioned about the Navy's role as a projection of force in sensitive areas such as the Persian Gulf, Penn replied "If anyone thinks they can mess with the US, they're dead wrong. If Iran starts acting up, I'll have three carriers and more Tomahawk missles than you can count coming right at them."
However Penn takes a less aggressive stance on the Navy's role as a protection of Taiwan from Chinese annexation. "This is a very delicate situation" remarks Penn, "China is a major US trading partner, and with the economy in its current condition we just can't afford to start any conflicts with the Chinese government right now. A shooting war with China would be disastrous, not unlike my fight with GSP in UFC 94"