UnNews:UAE to cancel USA's $9 Trillion Debt
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UAE to cancel USA's $9 Trillion Debt
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, February 14, 2016, 08:59:UTC)(
6 July 2008
DUBAI, United Arab Emirates - In a move made to surprise the citizens of the United States of America, president Sheikh Khalifa of the United Arab Emirates has decided to 'cancel' all of the $9 trillion debt owed by America.
President Sheikh has taken the American $9 trillion debt on his country's shoulders to help diplomacy between the two countries following issues regarding gasoline prices.
"What is going on right now is simple, we cannot pump enough oil to meet the demands of the Americans. Rather than further infuriate them with the usual Friday oil price increases, I've decided that each citizen of my country will contribute $31,000 United States dollars to ease their war debt," Sheikh mentioned in a secret OPEC meeting.
The United Arab Emirates hasn't intruded on American politics since the last major oil price increase, although this action has been greatly praised by Americans themselves, rather than the usual anti-oil conglomerate comments they make on local news stations everytime gasoline prices increase.
"It's about time the Emirates did something about this debt. They've just been sitting there twidling their thumbs, pumping oil, and reaping the rewards from it, just like those Albertans up in Canada. Thanks to the UAE, I no longer owe our country $31,000, which I plan on using on a new Hummer. To be honest, I don't even know where this debt came from anyways!" says New York City resident Martin LeRoy on a brief break in his daily commute to Buffalo in his Ford truck.
Sheikh hopes that the actions of his citizens will show that his country has compassion for Americans, although George Bush has not made a mention of the debt removal since the announcement by Sheikh. However, since the announcement, numerous military contracts have been issued to shipbuilding yards and Lockheed Martin, along with rumors of further troop surges into Iraq. This news source does not have full confirmation of these materials.
In other news, oil prices increased $10 USD by market closing yesterday.