UnNews:U. S. Department of Health and Human Services institutes homophobia code

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.

3 February 2007

Homometer

We always figured The Donald for more of a lavender shade

WASHINGTON, D. C. - In a bold move that some critics contend is a "too little, too late" attempt to attract gays and lesbians to the Republican Party in anticipation of the 2008 election, President George Bush signed an executive order authorizing the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services to institute a "homophobia code."

The new system of codes, which is similar to Homeland Security's terrorism alert system, uses colors to indicate the "intensity" of homophobia in individuals who are charged with or convicted of hate crimes against the so-called gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (GLBT) community. The code is illustrated with four penises of different heights and colors. The color and the height suggest the intensity of the individual's homophobia, with the level increasing from left to right.

Critics contend that, "to further pander to "heterosexually challenged individuals," U. S. Department of Health and Human Services Secretary Mike Leavitt "has used colors that have traditionally been associated with queers to represent the supposed levels of homophobic intensity, with pink being 'intense' and blue being 'mild.'"

In introducing the new system, Leavitt told the three reporters from The Advocate, a gay magazine, who attended his press conference that "on the homophobia continuum, Donald Trump scores a pink; Sean Hannity, a lavender; Anne Coulter, a purple; and Richard Chamberlain, a blue." Chamberlain, who is gay, receives a blue because, despite his homosexuality, he described himself as having been "homophobic" himself at one time.

Some talk show hosts, such as Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh expressed the concern that the homophobia codes will be used to tarnish, sully, slander, and libel men and women who believe that homosexuals are abominations in the sight of God and, as such, are hellbound sinners who deserve neither pity nor resepct.

"We who believe such things could be labeled as homophobic by leftist pantywasists and pansies in an attempt to silence us, just as those who criticize blacks for being black are condemned as racists," Hannity warned.

Limbaugh agreed, pointing out, "They've already colored Sean Hannity lavender."

President Bush disagrees with such commentators. "I've hated and detested homos all my life," he contended, "and I'm no color but Caucasian, which is white."

"Mr. President," Press Secretary Tony Snow hissed, "Caucasians are more pink than anything else."

The new code becomes effective immediately.

edit Source

Personal tools
projects