UnNews:U.S. polygon sect leader arrested
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard|
30 August 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah -- A polygon sect leader who has been on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted List has been arrested in Las Vegas. An octagon with a diameter of five metres was pulled over by a Utah Highway Patrol on Monday along with his brother and one of his wives. He went into hiding in May after being charged in Arizona with mathematical misconduct for allegedly using a TI-89 on the ACT. The octagon leads the fundamentalist Church of the Pythagorean Theorem (CPT) in Arizona and Utah. Octagon, who is reputed to have 70 wives, 30,000 concubines, and a ten-inch schlong, took over the leadership of the cult after his father Octohedron died in 2002.
The 10,000-strong CPT split from the Geometric Union more than a century ago after the latter renounced polygony. The sect dominates the towns of Pentagon, in Arizona, and Squaresville, Utah, less than a mile away. Polygony is illegal in the US, but the authorities have reportedly been reluctant to confront the CPT for fear of sparking a tragedy similar to the 1963 introduction of "New Math" to U.S. schools, which led to Vietnam, Disco, and, eventually, AIDS. However, correspondents say the cult is coming under increasing pressure from authorities in Utah and Arizona.
Passer-by Edward Moron commented, "What kind of country do we live in where a man can't have seventy wives at once. This country is rapidly turning into a police state." This seems to reflect his last name perfectly.