UnNews:U.K unveils newest espionage weapon
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
U.K unveils newest espionage weapon
Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!
Sunday, April 23, 2017, 14:12:UTC)(
11 February 2011
London, England -- In a turn of events that seems to have been taken straight out of a James Bond movie, the British Special Demonstration Squad has been accused of encouraging its officers to use sex to infiltrate extreme leftist and environmental groups.
Undercover agent Mark Kennedy is being accused of having sexual relations with several women over the past seven years in an attempt to infiltrate an environmentalist ring. Kennedy’s attorney, Roland Greenbaum, released the following statement on Kennedy’s behalf;
“My client was completely unaware that banging chicks was illegal in any way. In fact, in my 22 years of practicing law, I have never heard of someone getting in trouble for having consensual sex. Mr. Kennedy is fully aware that banging a dirty hippy is something to be ashamed of, but that still doesn’t make it a crime.”
A former SDS officer, who requested to remain anonymous, told one reporter that promiscuity was a way to gain acceptance to the group. “Hippies are all the same. All they want to do is get high, listen to crappy music, have lots of unprotected sex, and not shower afterwards.” The source commented. “I told my Chief that I wasn’t into that kind of stuff, but he just kept saying stuff like, go on and hit that dog! and what’s your deal? You queer or something?”
Several female activists plan to rally at Scotland Yard Monday to demand disclosure of all the details involved with the infiltration of the extreme groups. Organizers say that this rally “shows that women will never stop complaining about stuff that doesn’t matter.”
Climate activist Sophie Stevens, 27, who knew Kennedy while he was undercover, said, “This is tantamount to entrapment. I distinctly recall asking Agent Kennedy if that was a gun in his pocket or if he was just happy to see me. He said that he was just happy to see me. Now I know better.”