UnNews:Tyrannosaurus extinction explained
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Tyrannosaurus extinction explained
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, July 28, 2015, 16:14:UTC)(
20 January 2011
Birmingham, England -- Pathbreaking study has shed light on the extinction of the dinosaurs. Boffins have concluded that the fearsome Tyrannosaurus Rex died out not because of a meteor but because of embarrassment. This seems rather strange, but Dr. Duckworth of Wamblingham university would beg to differ.
“You see,” He stated, rather arrogantly, “the Tyrannosaurus has tiny little arms. You see? Yes? And his arms are so very tiny. Very small indeed yes? That the dinosaur couldn’t reach his legs to put his pants on in the morning.” He then continued to explain how, without anything to cover the dinosaur’s privates, they were too embarrassed to go out and find a dead triceratops or go to prehistoric Tesco to buy a plesiosaur steak.
Dr. Duckworth further explained to us that he phoned David Attenbrough on the matter, who was astounded at the earth-shattering new theory, and mentioned that he was surprised scientists hadn’t already found this information out. We phoned Attenbrough to get his viewpoint. “It’s an interesting theory, I suppose” he stuttered, “But I don’t think dinosaurs wore underwear.” Upon hearing this, Duckworth responded, “No, no, it was… uh… Stephen Hawking, I meant." As we began to dial Hawking's number on the telephone, Dr. Duckworth, for no apparent reason jumped from the window, and ran down the street screaming.
On a lighter note, according to Professor Francisco Fizzlebottom, giant dinosaurs could soon be wreaking havoc in the streets of Britain. The maniacal scientist Fizzlebottom, and his smart-arse brethren have unveiled a plan to revive the dinosaurs for a new film, Happy Birthday, Mr. Rex. “We are most pleased with our plan” stated Prof. Fizzlebottom, “hopefully, there will be happy dinosaurs causing mayhem and destruction in Birmingham by next Wednesday.”
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|