UnNews:Two new stupidly large numbers discovered
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Two new stupidly large numbers discovered
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, January 16, 2017, 11:05:UTC)(
17 January 2007
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NEW YORK, THE INTERNET: Shocking the mathematical and cryptography worlds and not particularly too many others, The Internet Twin Prime Search and PrimeGrid recently announced their success in finding two new stupidly large numbers. These numbers, reported as 2003663613 * 2195,000 ± 1, currently stand as the two largest numbers in existence, soundly beating out former title holder Avogadro's Number, and following the disproof of a number Fermilab claimed to discover, described by them as "eleventy kajillion bozillion fillion".
"It was incredible", the man responsible for the discovery, who did not wish to be named, said. "We've been working literally all our lives to come up with numbers bigger than Avogadro's. The man held his title long enough, I said. So, with government funding, we set out to find a number that would beat his and return glory to the United States. I just didn't expect to find it in my lifetime."
When asked about the curious nature of the numbers, separated by two digits, the researcher said, "Once we had 2003663613 * 2195,000 - 1, something about it just looked so obvious. We were all celebrating, of course, spilling our Mountain Dew and Jolt on our massive reams of number-covered papers, when I just looked at it and realized, hey, what if we turned that minus into a plus? Everyone just looked at the resulting number in shocked, reverent silence. Never in our wildest dreams did we think we'd find two stupidly large numbers. Never."
He then added, "We're not sure where the missing number between the two went. I mean, all number theory says it has to be there, but we just haven't found it yet. We're still trying, but you have to admit, what we've done is exciting enough. The icing on the cake was when we discovered these numbers were also twin primes. That'll be a nice bonus to all this."
Researchers are still pondering the significance of the two 58,711-digit numbers. Some in the field began quoting the Twin Primes Conjecture, but as all the UnNews reporters on the scene were liberal arts majors, nobody seemed to care. The most probable use of the numbers appears to be in the field of newbie Uncyclopedia article writing, where, in the words of an anonymous IP address, "omg look at that numberzzzz my article on hitler beign dead for 99999999999999 years and then coming back to life from the dead looks so puny now >_<".
The new numbers have yet to be named. Avogadro, being dead for several years, was unavailable for comment on his number's dethroning.