UnNews:Turkeys press rice into gorillas in bizarre tribal custom
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Turkeys press rice into gorillas in bizarre tribal custom
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, January 21, 2017, 19:54:UTC)(
3 November 2007
"We decided this year to use the gorilla, to celebrate their newfound pest status, and also because their rock-hard physique allows us to gain all sorts of, uh, leverage," said one spokesturkey.
The festival will continue for 12 days, culminating in a bonfire, to be set in the wastelands of the Middle East. The pilgrimage is an important one to the average turkey, this reporter was told, as it reaffirms one's adherence to turkeydom, and "lets th'Man know that you won't take it lying down!"
When this reporter was kidnapped by a turkey farmer on his way out to the site of the future bonfire, the farmer explained that he didn't mind the turkeys leaving, as "it clears out the coop for other livestock ... Now get in there, boy!"
It is clear to this reporter that the rice-pressing ritual is an important one, for both turkeys and humans.
- Helene Cooper "Turkish leaders press Rice for action against Kurdish guerrillas". IHT, November 2, 2007