UnNews:Turkey's Founder a "Total Asshole"
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Turkey's Founder a "Total Asshole"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, February 21, 2017, 01:01:UTC)(
9 April 2007
Gibbons, Turkey (UP) A parliamentary commission approved a proposal Thursday allowing Turkey to block Web sites that are deemed insulting to the founder of modern Turkey, who coincidentally, happened to have been a complete asshole. The proposal was approved a few weeks after the court temporarily banned access to YouTube, and most likely in the future uncyclopedia.wikia.com, a satire wiki site which referred to Turkey's founder as "a complete asshole".
The founder, Mustafa Kernal "Attaboy" Ataturk has been criticized in the past for a variety of reasons, including ending the much loved Ottoman empire, drawing anti-Islamic cartoons, smelling notoriously bad, having a poor choice in clothing, and having the ugliest mustache on the face of the planet.
Turkey's Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, while wearing an "I heart Ataturk" T-shirt, released an official statement saying, "Ataturk is the man, and don't you forget it. One time, Chuck Norris tried to roundhouse kick Ataturk, and Chuck Norris's leg fell off. So don't even think about dissing him, or he'll come back from the grave and beat your ass too."
Erdogan, obviously blinded by love, was unable to remember the time that Ataturk cheated on his world history test, or the fact that he never kissed a girl. Ataturk was also known for authoring Mein Kamf, directing Birth of a nation , inventing the holiday of Thanksgiving, and wearing unmatching socks three consecutive days in a row.
Ataturk himself was unavailable for comment. Erdogan, however further added, "Wooooooooo! Yeah Wooooooo! Ataturk is number one, baby! Number one!"
Erdogan's excitement was short lived, however, when he realized he was being interviewed with the intent to poke fun at his furious nationalism.
"What? Satire? Satire BAD! That's it, nobody in Turkey is reading this!"