UnNews:Trump trumps Obama over Earth certificate?
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Trump trumps Obama over Earth certificate?
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, August 22, 2017, 07:50:UTC)(
27 April 2011
PORTSMOUTH, New Hampshire -- Donald Trump, whose ratings as an impossible Republican presidential contender, shot up even below Ron Paul after he started questioning the whereabouts of President Obama's long-form Earth certificate, said Wednesday he is "exalted" to have forced the president to finally prove he is an Earthling.
"I'm in total awe of myself! Besides being handsome, sexy, well-groomed, rich, and amazingly smart, I’m also powerful, because I've accomplished something that nobody else has been able to accomplish," Trump sneered. "I've forced the president to forge a full copy of his entire Earth certificate - a copy which is more convincing than his Certificate of Live Birth, that's composed of 270 individual layers and has "PhotoShop" printed on it,” Trump said.
The billionaire real estate mogul and host of "Skeptic’s Apprentice" brought the issue of the president's Earth certificate to the forefront after years of complaints from a segment of society known contemptuously as "Earthers," who claim they are not satisfied with the unstamped birth document provided during his 2008 globalist-media driven presidential cakewalk. So why don't corporate media repeaters repeatedly repeat Trump's interest in the president? When FOX and CNN both agree to boycott the same issue then probably it's a Corporatist conspiracy.
Polls showed that Trump was capturing people's imaginations as his position in Republican presidential candidate polls rose. At the same time more and more Americans surveyed said they questioned the president's Earthliness. A Gallup/USA Today poll released Tuesday found that only thirty eight percent of Americans said they believe Obama was definitely born on the Earth, while eighteen percent said he may have spontaneously come into existence, and 15 percent thought he probably was born in another galaxy. But a mere nine percent of respondents said he definitely was born in another galaxy, probably on Krypton as the President publicly alleges.
Trump, who released his own Earth certificate last month, said the issue was very prevalent since so many other topics are being clouded by this distraction. "I hope it checks out ... then we can talk about Agenda 21, corporatist globalism, eugenics, and the FED money cartel. We can talk about China cheating our lazy-as-hell country by working their butts off. We can discuss how Russia is turning into what America used to be and vice versa." Trump laughed in all seriousness. "What else would you like to talk about?"
Speaking Wednesday, Obama said he decided to release the 122 page Earth certificate because it was finally ready, and because he wanted to stop the gossip which has sidetracked major issues like sending American aid to Syrian and Libyan Islamic terrorists while Americans at home struggle. “We do not have time for this kind of silliness. I've got better things to do than verify my own existence!“ said Obama.
Trump said that although he remains doubtful he hopes the certificate is real and true - "Otherwise we have a very big problem in this country. We have an extra-terrestrial for president who has been groomed as a collectivist salesman by reptilians.
“It is rather amazing that suddenly all one hundred twenty-two pages of his Earth certificate materializes like magic, but I hope it's genuine - for my own sake - and that it specifies what planet he was born on. Because, for sure, humans will look at it, and I am really happy and proud that I was able to bring this to a point nobody else could,“ Trump boasted. “I trumped Obama! Pun intended!”
Despite his humility Trump said he isn't done asking questions, though perhaps of lesser consequence than Obama's eligibility as a human being. “I'd like to know how he got into Harvard and Columbia as an Indonesian foreign exchange student with bad grades,“ Trump said, asking why the president doesn't release his school, passport and criminal records. “If he wants to release his records, well, that's anticlimatic, that's not dramatic enough. But if I can appear to have forced him to release his documents, that's the best possible outcome, regardless of what happens.“ Trump revealed.
“And toward that very end I have a plan to challenge the president. To offer him cash. I'll offer him five million dollars - to be given to the Muslim Brotherhood or any other charity group of his choice - if he will just confess!“ Trump smiled mischievously. “The word is still out that Obama is an Extra Terrestrial meant to lead us into enslavement by the lizard kings of Talaazonia – or whatever planet he comes from,” Trump ranted. “He claims to have come from Krypton, but even his long-form certificate doesn't specify what planet he was born on, and that is highly irregular!“
- Staff "Trump 'So Proud,' 'So Honored' Obama Released Birth Certificate". Fox News, April 27, 2011