Trump still batting 1000
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 20, 2018, 11:27:UTC)(
30 October 2017
PALM BEACH, FL -- Impressive for a rookie politician with so many responsibilities, President Donald Trump is well on his way to completing a year without a single mistake. Though some experts have cast doubt on the legitimacy of his record, the veracity of the President's claims has been independently confirmed by Breitbart, the Government Accountability Institute, the Heritage Foundation, the Illinois Policy Institute, the Heartland Institute, TrumpTV, and alert Reddit commenters.
Though such perfection is common among members of North Korea's Kim family, the last Western politician to complete an error-free year was Chile's Augusto Pinochet. Experts believe the President has managed to pull off this impressive feat thanks to the tireless efforts of Congress, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, the intelligence community, the NFL, the musical Hamilton, James Comey, the (((DEEP STATE))), the FAKE news media!!!, and professional alt-left protesters in the employ of communist billionaire George Soros and his fellow Esperanto-speaking globalists.
"I know this year has been disappointing from the point of view of getting things done," said a White House employee under penalty of being fired, "but you can hardly blame the President for what goes wrong with the country. Someone else has gotta take the buck, you know? He's got shit to do. He's the greatest and you naysayers are just trying to stir up trouble."
Trump supporters believe that despite the President's impeccable record so far, it will still take a while for his hopes to be realized. "You can't just go into the swamp and demand that all the pizza shop pedophile rings reveal themselves and stop hiding in it," said Ambrose White, a working-class software engineer from
Troy Detroit, MI. "Draining it will take time and require that Congress throw billions of dollars at objectively useless projects, so we're going to have to be patient."
"Some people love to criticize Trump," said Trilby McUnderfuzz, an out-of-work information technology specialist in
Beachwood Cleveland, OH. "But why doesn't anyone ever criticize the left? Have you seen all the mistakes Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have been making this year? Why has the liberal media been so eerily silent about their actions since January 20? Doesn't seem coincidental if you ask me."
White agreed. "All Hillary does is try to blame everyone else for her problems, that bitch. The President would never stoop to such a level."
"I think this is already the best presidency in history," opined the President's personal physician on Sunday. "It's yuge, a yuge success. Crooked Hillary doesn't stand a chance at winning the election, we're gonna beat her, we're gonna beat her bigly, we're gonna take this country back, we're gonna make America great again."
A dissenting view by RT holds that Trump's record is not quite perfect because he has failed to live up to his promises on foreign policy.
Literally every piece of conservative news right now.