Trump prepares for his military parade

Democracy Dies with Dignity

UnNews Logo Potato
Tuesday, December 11, 2018, 03:10:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

7 February 2018


Donald Trump

WASHINGTON D.C, USA -- United States President Donald Trump has put all his considerable weight behind celebrating his victory over Hillary Clinton in 2016 with a military parade. The intended event will mark the day legal Americans voted in the greatest President since Jesus.

The news that Trump has advanced plans to hold the event came as a huge shock to the Democratic Party. They had been so confident that Trump will be deposed and deported to Russia, that this news left them in deep despair, some were even seen changing parties and taking out subscriptions to Fox News.

Though some have dared to criticise this decision on the grounds of 'cost', 'vulgarity' and 'something-other-tinpot-nations-do-like-France', the president said this event will be a sell out and see the biggest crowd come to Washington since his inauguration in January 2017.

"It's going to be frickin' huge I tell you," said Trump. "We're going to our brave boys and girls, tanks, aircraft and elephants - to represent the Republican Party. I hope to take part myself in my new uniform to celebrate the crushing of America's enemies. I will have all those people I fired sitting on jackasses backwards. Free rotten fruit will be supplied to provide plenty of ammunition. The real firings will take place after the parade."


The Old Deplorables.

Amongst those units of loyal Americans who are going to parade will be Trump's America First 'the Old Deplorables' in their period costume militia outfits (made in China). Trump sees them the First of His Own and hopes to see more patriotic Americans join future units to clean America and renew her Manifest Destiny. Tickets to see the parade will be made available via Trump Travel and Business website closer to the date of the parade.