UnNews:Trump trumps Obama over Earth certificate?
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Trump trumps Obama over Earth certificate?
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 3, 2015, 13:22:UTC)(
27 April 2011
PORTSMOUTH, New Hampshire -- Donald Trump, whose charade as a possible Republican presidential contender shot up after he started questioning the whereabouts of President Obama's long-form Earth certificate, said Wednesday he is "so proud" to have forced the president to finally prove he is an Earthling.
"I am so proud of myself, because, besides being handsome, sexy, well-groomed, rich, and smart, I’m also powerful, because I've accomplished something that nobody else has been able to accomplish," Trump said here. "I've forced the president to forge a better copy of an Earth certificate; a copy which is a far more sophisticated than his amateurish Certificate of Live Birth – which has PhotoShop written all over it,” Trump said.
The billionaire real estate mogul and host of "Skeptic’s Apprentice" brought the issue of the president's Earth certificate to the forefront after three years of complaints from a segment of society, come to be known as "Weirdos," who say they are not satisfied with the unstamped and unsigned PhotoShopped short-form version of the document provided during the 2008 globalist-funded and media-driven presidential campaign.
Trump, who sarcastically suggested he might run as a Republican challenger to the president, fed the story as reporters repeatedly asked about his interest in the certificate. Polls showed that Trump was capturing people's imaginations as his position in Republican presidential candidate polls rose. At the same time, more and more Americans surveyed said they questioned the president's Earthliness.
A Gallup/USA Today poll released Tuesday found that only 38 percent of Americans said they believe Obama was definitely born on the Earth – but have no idea why, while 18 percent said he probably was born here to save the human race, and 15 percent said he probably was born in another galaxy to distract the human race. Nine percent said he definitely was born in a galaxy far, far away, probably on Krypton.
Trump, who released his Earth certificate last month, said the issue was very relevant, especially since so many other topics are being clouded by the distraction. "I hope it checks out ... then we can talk about corporate-globalism, genocidal population control, and the private FED. We can talk about China cheating our lazy-as-hell country by working their butts off. We can talk about OPEC getting set up by us to cheaply exhaust their natural oil resources until the price of oil goes over US$200 a barrel. Then we’ll tap our own vast Alaskan and Dakotan oil reserves with the price fixed at $200 a barrel, and we will bankrupt the gullible middle east with our counterfeit bonds." he said.
Trump's position is similar to the White House's reasoning when it surprised reporters Wednesday morning with copies of the one hundred twenty-two page, long-form Earth certificate issued by the state of Hawaii. It shows the president was born Aug. 4, 1961, at Kapiolani Hospital in Honolulu, although it does not clearly specify that he was born on this planet Earth. In fact, planet of birth is missing altogether.
Speaking Wednesday, Obama said he decided to release the one hundred twenty-two page long Earth certificate because it was finally ready, and because he wanted to stop the gossip, which has sidetracked major issues like sending American aid to Libyan rebels while Americans at home struggle.
"We do not have time for this kind of silliness. I've got better stuff to do," said Obama. “Such as explaining how I got in such prestige universities, in spite of my bad grades, and also how I regained American citizenship which I had to renounce when I lived and studied as an Indonesian citizen.
Trump said that although he remains doubtful, he hopes the certificate is real and true "otherwise we have a very big problem in this country. We have an extra-terrestrial alien for president who has been groomed as a globalist salesman by the Elitists, according to Alex Jones.
"It is rather amazing that suddenly all one hundred twenty-two pages of his Earth certificate materializes like magic, but I hope it's the right deal – for Obama’s sake - and specifies what planet he was born on. Because for sure, humans will look at it, and I am really happy and proud that I was able to bring this to a point nobody else could," Trump said. “I trumped Obama! No pun intended!”
Despite his pride, Trump said he isn't done asking questions, though they perhaps are of lesser consequence than Obama's eligibility as a Globalist plant. "I'd like to know how he got into Harvard and Columbia as I learned he was a very poor student," Trump said, asking why the president doesn't release his school records. "If he wants to release it that's fine, if he doesn't want to release it that's fine too. But the word is still out that he’s an Extra Terrestrial meant to lead us into enslavement by the Vulcans – or whatever planet he comes from,” Trump ranted. "He claims to have come from Krypton, but even his long-form certificate doesn't specify what planet he was born on, and that is highly irregular!"
- Staff "Trump 'So Proud,' 'So Honored' Obama Released Birth Certificate". Fox News, April 27, 2011