UnNews:Trump, O'Donnell agree: Katie Rees a "hottie"

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22 December 2006

Katie Rees
Former Miss Teen USA Katie Rees, "a real hottie"

NEW YORK, NY -- Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell have traded a series of mindless barbs about one another lately over the real estate tycoon's decision to retain Tara Conner as the current Miss USA, despite Conner's underage drinking, drug use, lesbianism, and missing of pageant-related appearances, provided that Conner enter rehabilitation and have sex with him on a regular basis throughout her reign as the pageant's beauty queen. "She's repentant," Trump explained, "and, more importantly, she's not only hot but she's also willing to sleep with me, despite my hideous comb-over."

"That's 'the Donald,'" O'Donnell quipped, upon hearing of Trump's decision. Flipping her hair over to one side of her head in imitation of Trump's comb-over, the moderator of The View mimicked his voice and facial expressions, saying "I'm the Donald, a paragon of virtue, despite my adulterous affairs, failed marriages, serial bankruptcies, and bad hair."

Apparently, Trump was not amused by the comedienne's impersonation of him. "She's fat, ugly, and mean-spirited," he said. "I pity her poor girlfriend, having to have sex with that face!"

The two antagonistic personalities have exchanged additional barbs since the initial volleys. However, they have agreed to agree on one matter: the former Miss Teen USA's Miss Nevada, Katie Rees, is a "hottie."

Nevertheless, unlike Conner, Rees has been fired, her crown passing to first runner-up Helen Salas. During a wild party in Tampa, FL, when she was 17 years old, Rees flashed her breasts and buttocks, simulated oral sex with male and female companions, and engaged in lesbian French kissing, all of which actions were preserved for prosterity on film and posted on the Internet.

"Rees is a real hottie!" Trump says. "Rosie's probably drooling over the sight of the 17-year-old's tits and ass, imagining her own fat face pressed to Katie's crotch instead of Rees' girlfriend's."

"He's right, for once," O'Donnell agreed, "Katie is a hottie, all right, no doubt about that, and I know Trump would like to make the same sort of deal with her that he's alegedly made with Tara Conner--enter rehab and be 'available' to me. He's such a lecherous old fart. However, my wife need not fear; my heart belongs to her, and, unlike Trump, I'm not unfaithful to the one I love."

Rees was unavailable for comment, but Conner said: "Donald--I mean, Mr. Trump--has a good heart. He cares about young women, very much--very deeply--as he shows me every day. By the way, let me say, even though I'm no longer into girls, Katie Rees--she's a total hottie!"

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