UnNews:Tropical Storm Chris approaches No Orleans
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Tropical Storm Chris approaches No Orleans
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, July 26, 2017, 22:58:UTC)(
3 August 2006
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NO ORLEANS, Louisiana -- Citizens of No Orleans expressed pessimism and loathing as Tropical Storm Chris approached, causing panic, rising gas prices, and greater media exposure of poor African-Americans.
The aftermath from Hurricane Katrina, which redecorated the city into a barren, shit-covered pile of ruins in late 2005, is still very much an everyday look for the city. Some feel that if Chris turns into a hurricane and goes into the Gulf of Mexico, that you might as well "kiss Louisiana's big, black ass good-bye".
"Bring it on!" he cried at a recent Saints pre-season game held in the Superdome, which is still half filled with refugees and smells like piss. Shortly afterward, Mayor Nagin was submitted for psychiatric therapy, and the office of Mayor has been temporarily filled by Nagin's brother, Raul.
Although there is no cause for evacuation yet, many are baffled. "My FEMA trailer is in No Orleans. What do they expect me to do?" said one No Orleans resident. Others are prepared to evacuate if ordered to. "If I even see a cloud in the next few days, I'm fucking running," said another citizen.
Even those who donated relief money towards the Hurricane Katrina relief efforts in late 2005 claim that if Tropical Storm Chris does turn into a hurricane and makes its way to No Orleans, they want a refund.
"I donated my entire paycheck to the Red Cross towards the rebuilding of No Orleans. But if Chris strikes, there won't be a No Orleans no more, in which case, I want my money back," said one man who claims to have donated money. "I can use that money to buy myself some bananas. I'm kind of low."