UnNews:Troops to present themselves as more lucrative shot to protect Prince Harry's return to Afghanistan

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3 March 2008

Targetsoldier

All new "Markers" will need to be lined up by superior officers to prevent potential injury

HELMAND PROVINCE, Afghanistan -- Chief of the General Staff, Lieutenant Richard Dannatt has announced today that coalition forces are to be issued new uniform alterations to protect the Royal, Lieutenant Wales ( he uses Wales as his surname), AKA Troop Commander Wales of Blues and Royals, a regiment of the Household Small Appliance Cavalry in the British Army, after the American Web snoop The Drudge Report ratted out the young Prince earlier this week.

The commander stated in a press interview that uniform reissues will mainly involve "large, brightly coloured, cylindrical markers with which to encourage anti-allied insurgents to fire on them, rather than third-in-line Prince who may or may not be involved in operations in the area". He went on say that he was very disappointed with the American media for ruining the surprise and that it had lost its privileges and was going to "go to its room to think about what it had done". He also said he was proud of the British media for keeping the secret and that it could stay up late and watch Lost.

As he deplaned at Zurich, he joked about a nickname the Ghurkhas gave him, "the most attractive target within range" but maintained that he did not see what the big deal is, and that he is just like any other soldier in that he "doesn't know who his real father is".

But Coalition commanders say that these newly introduced kit modifications had to be made in order for Harry, 23, to be re-deployed. Other precautions that Lieutenant Richard Dannatt said will be introduced include dying all soldiers hair red, having a reporter and camera man follow all soldiers asking them how their Grandmother feels about their being in Afghanistan, and all soldiers being taught "Proper English". Reports suggest that the request for all American soldiers to proclaim "We can’t keep a secret" upon entering a room have been Huffed.

Official stated that the new uniform modifications are to be sent our to all units collectively and are being quickly rushed so that they can be broken before April and left in the bin with the rest of the Christmas presents.

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