UnNews:Tripods deployed in search for Iranian rockets
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Tripods deployed in search for Iranian rockets
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, February 25, 2017, 07:09:UTC)(
23 July 2006
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JERUSALEM, Israel -- Following the Israeli public's lack of patience for the ongoing conflict and the growing concern over long range Iranian rockets huffing the center of Israel, the Israeli Defence Force has deployed it's secret divisions of Tripods into Southern Lebanon. The scary-looking combat vehicles, first popularized by Tom Cruise in the remake of War of the Worlds, are on loan from a joint CIA-KGB-NASA-MOSSAD operation somewhere near the Mars' south ploar icecap.
The Tripods have been watched stomping around in the region, mainly making horrible screeching noises, shouting out in badly accented Arabic and behaving menacingly in general.
Under pressure because of allegations that the local populace is being terrorized by implement of war, Israel has promised future improvements to the Tripods, meant to ease some of the distress caused by their presence.
"First of all," stated Israeli defense minister Amir Peretz, "We are planning to manufacture the future Tripods in friendly pastel colors. It'll also allow them to blend nicely with the debris therefore not sticking out too much. After that, we plan the Tripods to play nice elevator music (i.e. remixes of Kenny G's work) while they stomp around".
In an effort to try and fund some of the heavy burden the war is imposing on it's own economy, Israel has decided to play commercial breaks through the Tripods' speakers every ten minutes or so. "It's a revolutionary idea," said Peretz, "and for a limited time, some great prizes are available to those who call in, so hurry up and call now!"
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|