UnNews:Travelers boycott Hilton Hotel chain
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
21 June 2007
“I don’t want to stay in a fleabag that’s helping to maintain the lifestyle of a mindless bimbo like her,” Susan Penn said. “I’d rather have Motel 6 leave the light on me than spend another dime of my hard-earned expense account money on a room at a Hilton.”
Walter Moore expressed a similar opinion, telling Unnews’ report Lotta Lies, “Anybody who stays at a Hilton is contributing to the delinquency of a blonde. Besides, didn’t she shoot her X-rated videotape in one of her family’s suites? I don’t want to think I might be sleeping in a bed that that bimbo used.”
The hotel chain was started by Paris’ grandfather, Conrad, in the so-called Roaring Twenties and has developed into a “hospitality suite” of travelers’ accommodations, vacation resorts, and real estate operations “second to none,” according to the corporation’s website, boasting 2,800 hotels (2,100 of which Paris has visited), hundreds of “vacation properties” (those of which in Las Vegas, Orlando, New York, and Honolulu, Paris has visited), and international youth hostels (in 900 of which Paris has been an overnight guest).
“I’ll never so much as stop for a quickie in anything named ‘Hilton,’” Bernie Brighton vowed, “let alone spend the night.”
Even high-class call girls in New York, London, and Paris (the city, not the jailbird) have sworn off Hiltons. “Satisfying a John in a place like that is enabling Paris [the jailbird, not the hotel] to continue her downward spiral into death and self-destruction,” La-la-la-Lola Lloyd said. “Lord knows, I’m no angel, but I won’t be part of that.”
Hilton Vacation Station, a program that features “special services and amenities designed to help families traveling with children maximize their leisure time together,” according to the Hilton website, has suffered an 85-percent loss in reservations since Paris (the jailbird, not the hotel) was arrested for driving while intoxicated and with a suspended license. “Families don’s see the Hilton Hotel Corporation as too family friendly when the family’s heiress is making pornographic videos, flashing her naked crotch and her braless boobs, and driving drunk on a revoked license,” industry analyst Pepe Powers said.