UnNews:Toyota releases new hybrid: part car, part deathtrap

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This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Straight talk, from straight faces

3 January 2011

Toyota Prius

Prius drivers now have a legitimate reason to think of themselves as brave environmental warriors.

TOKYO, Japan -- After issuing a recall because of safety problems with the brakes, Toyota has hailed its hybrid Prius car greener than ever before. "We're taking 300,000 cars off the road worldwide," boasted CEO Akio Toyoda. "Mother Nature will thank us even if our customers won't."

The brake fault has caused several serious crashes, leading Toyota to claim that it's also helping to tackle the problem of global overpopulation.

Long famous for the silence of its engine when operating on electricity, Toyota says that its groundbreaking cars are now quieter than ever, as no owner dares to drive them.

The embattled auto giant says that even in the event of a fatal accident, an innovative feature enables the Prius to use its remaining petrol to automatically cremate all passengers, saving on precious fossil fuels.

Despite its attempts to show a brave face, the recall has proven extremely embarrassing for the world's largest auto manufacturer. The Toyota engineer responsible for designing the Prius' brakes has already committed ritual suicide by driving home in his car.

But some fans say they are glad about the safety problems, as they have slashed the Prius' legendary waiting list. "I thought I'd have to wait until next year, but now I've got my own choice of colour and everything," one purchaser said. "Although, the salesman advised me that mourning black would be the most appropriate."

Prius owners have reacted to the problem with typical ostentatious statements. "I'm not going to stop driving my Prius, because I care so much about climate change," said one interior designer. "I drive it more than ever now, just to show I'm not afraid."

Despite the problems, environmentalists maintain that the Prius fiasco will not slow the transition to electric vehicles. "As we've seen with the Prius, it simply cannot be stopped." one Greenpeace activist said.

But not all signs are positive for the landmark hybrid. Toyota has approached the lobbyists featured in the controversial documentary Who Killed the Electric Car? to see if they have any ideas about how to stop Priuses.

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