UnNews:Toyota Falls Victim to Suicide Bombing
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Toyota Falls Victim to Suicide Bombing
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 29, 2016, 13:39:UTC)(
22 October 2007
Bayonne, New Jersey (UnNews) – Earlier today a 2006 Toyota Camry lost its life in a wanton act of industrial terrorism. A suicide squirrel, identified as Mohamed bin Munchy gnawed through an electrical wire situated above the car setting itself on fire. It then dove onto the car, slid under the hood, and blew up the car.
After tracing money deposited in his Swiss bank account Munchy was linked to the Oldsmobile Martyrs Brigade, a militant wing of the General Motors Corporation. Earlier this year GM lost its position as the world largest automobile manufacturer to rival Toyota and experts have since been wondering what the companies response should be.
One auto industry expert, who spoke on conditions of anonymity, due to his desire to not be blown up had this to say. "Toyota makes the world's longest lasting most dependable vehicles. Hell, they even say so in their commercials. The only way that General Motors could retake market share is by making people afraid to drive Toyota's. That, or providing cheap, well engineered vehicles."
After the attack the head of the Oldsmobile Martyrs Brigade released a poorly produced amateur video with the demands of the group. In the video they demanded that Americans stop buying cars produced by Asians companies in American plants, and instead buy cars produced by American companies in Mexico.
In response to the attack Toyota said that it was "Deeply Disturbed" by the action of General Motors. And that if attacks were to continue it might be forced to take quick decisive action by launching kamikaze attacks on General Motors vehicles. It further said that, inline with Toyota policy these attacks would be more dependable and longer lasting. And in standing with Toyota's commitment to the environment would likely involve some sort of hybrid.